The Hasty Series | Fuck You Dental Insurance

Welcome to Hasty Series!  This series is an every-now-and-then blog post delivering a quick "fuck you" to something that I don't like.  There's no schedule for these installments; I just write these when I'm too lazy to write a more substantial blog post!

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In this Hasty Series Installment, we're saying a big "fuck you" to Dental Insurance!  

Here we go! 

Fuck you Dental Insurance for your failure to keep pace with the real - and rising costs - of dental care in the United States of America.  Fuck you for covering 0.33% of my root canal and crown.  I'll just pull the rest of the cost out of my butthole.  Or I'll have my proctologist pull the cash out of my butthole - at least my Health Insurance will cover the full cost of that procedure.  Fuck you again Dental Insurance.   

Feck you Dental Insurance for your bullshit of a fuckin' website portal. Where the fuck do my premiums go?  Clearly your customer-facing website experience is designed and run by a bunch of fuckin' part-time community college interns.  Fuck your virtual experience Dental Insurance.

Fuck you Dental Insurance for your sloppy paper dental insurance ID card.  I might as well just write my fuckin' dental insurance plan code thing on the back of a Lowes receipt and jam it in my wallet next to my twenty-year-old Blockbuster Video membership card.  I mean fuck, at least the fuckin' dumbasses running Blockbuster were competent enough to say "you know, maybe we should spend the extra two fuckin' cents and give our customers a laminated membership card - make our customers feel like we give at least one fuckin' shit about them...".  Fuck you again for this Dental Insurance.  

Fuck you Dental Insurance for your non-rolling-over annual insurance limits.  Its so fuckin' awesome that one exam, one x-ray, and one cavity that I have filled in January maxed out my annual limit for the rest of the year. Its so fuckin' great to pay you the monthly premium for the next eleven months whilst you sit back and do absolutely nothing but send me letters in the mail, reminding me that I've exhausted my annual benefit.  Fuck you Dental Insurance; at least if my unused annual benefit rolled-over from year-to-year, I might be able to accumulate enough of a benefit to actually exercise some good dental health.  

And finally, fuck you Dental Insurance for saying bullshit like "you need to stay on top of your dental care; you should go to the dentist all the fuckin' time and then you'll see the benefits of your dental insurance coverage."  Go fuck yourself Dental Insurance.  You know that alot of these fuckin' dentists make shit up about your teeth to make more fuckin' money.  Fuck you Dental Insurance and your in-cahoots-with-crooked-dentists conspiracy.

F**k You Dental Insurance

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Fuck you Dental Insurance.