The Hasty Series | It Really Gets In There

Welcome to the Hasty Series!  This series is an every-now-and-then blog post delivering a quick "fuck you" to something that I don't like.  There's no schedule for these installments; I just write these when I'm too lazy to write a more substantial blog post! 

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The crevice is deep; the crevice is dark.  

The weather is unforgiving; it is at times hot and humid, and other times it is dry and dusty.  

Regardless of the conditions however, it is always cramped.  

A curious breeze echos through this canyon; and at the worst times, this breeze is accompanied by trickle of..

This crevice; this canyon, often not only defies the laws of nature, but also the laws of the universe; gravity is ambiguous within its walls.  

And I say this because how the fuck does my underwear always - always - find a way to travel against the grain, and wedge itself into my butt crack?  

With a giant “fuck you” to gravity - and basic decency I might add - my underwear regularly just sucks itself into the inhospitable environment located between my two glorious butt cheeks.  

I’ve tried all types of undergarments; the tight white ones that show every stain ever, the loose and comfortable “boxers,” and even the occasional boxer briefs.  It doesn’t matter however, they all still end up, up my fucking ass.

And god forbid you retrieve your underwear from your fucking ass; god forbid the need for comfort overwhelm your desire to stay ridicule-free amongst your peers out in public.  

No, my asshole does not itch.

No, I’m not enjoying some odd attempt at voyeurism.

No, I haven’t lost a gerbil.

I have a fucking wedgy you judgmental prick.  And fuck you for your gaze as I try and pull this fucking fabric out from the abyss.